my dirty little secret;

truth to be told, i woke up tearing on the inside;

truth to be told, i am still crying;

truth to be told, i talk to you like a happy chirpy bird;

truth to be told, i am lying;.

i'm gonna find another you;

my pride will keep me company; and you just gave yours all away

what happened to us?

can you take back a promise?;
i wish i could. but let nature take its course shall we;

i would for get you, but not as a bestfriend. but as a lover;

used to be;

i said to wait for two months;
but sadly, 2 months is too long.
the results came in early;

is this change?
must i forget you?

sing me one last spanish lullaby?

congratulation;
you found me;

now, find my heart.

stranger;

i want to be the one who spends Christmas with you;

and the one who steals your heart;

dear stranger; i love you.

up;

really; i did not ask for that dream to happen.

honestly i didn't even ask for you to happen.

i am really tired;

physically and emotionally;

always be my baby;

You'll always be a part of me,
i'm part of you indefinitely
time can't erase a feeling this strong;

whatever;
i am never sleeping at 5 again;

mind you; a.m.

can i tell you a secret?

i have never prayed;
but tonight i am on my knees;

dear lord;
i am sorry for what i did,
please, bring her back wherever she is,

thank you lord; for answering my prayers in a way;

those black dark eyes;

once again its happening again; posting here more often than my main blog;
and this time its not about you; it was never always about you.

if you want to play this game;
we'll play it, but let me remind you;
What Kah Ee wants; is what Kah Ee gets.
and now; Kah Ee wants to win you in this game;

then again; posting something here seems so stupid;

by the time;

when the time comes; i will know what happen.
things like those never goes right; i am afraid;
but what i am scared more is. if it goes well;
i'm afraid that i will be leaving this place for good;
afraid that i am-
not gonna have A's cupcake; S's violence; E's Reality; J's company;
everything is never going to be the same; even with talking online 24 hours;
things change , i know because i was the change.


i pray and hope hard that it will workout; maybe change isn't that bad;
but i promise you god; if things goes as planned. this will be my second chance;
i promise i would forget him for good; i promise that i will make my days worth.
i promise it will be tears of joy that my parents shed; and never tears of anguish;
i promise. i promise. i promise that hatred will never be apart of my life.

2 months; 2 months i will know.

this is it, change; hopefully.

hear you me;

17 days; it seems like an eternity why?
holding back tears that threatened to fall;
never once in 17 days i felt this weak, this vulnerable.


i want you to be happy, and i thought you want the same for me.

i'm sorry i ever started this 'war'
right now im pulling up the white flag.
this. shall forever be a silent reverie.
a day dream that would not come true.

You Can't Break A Broken Heart;

i'm in my fifth and final stage;
acceptance;

its been a long while since i've actually blogged here;

i am immune to you now;

still; there is a fact that i will not change;
the fact that i still care for you, irrevocably.

warwick avenue;

I’ve always been a dreamer ;
but would you be my solid ground?

forgive me for having hopes and dreams?
and i shall forgive you for crushing them;

forgiveness brings inner peace.

stolen;

tonight i will sleep well;

there are five phase in a situation -
denial; anger; bargaining; depression; acceptance;

every fairy tale; there is two endings,
let say this time; i am not that lucky.
or maybe my prince charming is in denial too;

Resistance;

ahh; my 100th post;
actually my 101;
because there is one left unpublished.

i miss typing here;
but i need to do a few things-

watching my thoughts ; they just became words
watch my words ; they just turned into actions.
and my actions? ; they became a habit.

good night world
i have school in 3 1/2 hours.

i miss you;

i still want a lover, i do not need to love;

Happiness might be;

a sweet smile;
a hot shower;
hot chocolate;
a best friend;
hearing the rain;
watching the dawn;
falling in love.

whatever it is;
remember. ever 60 seconds you spend upset;
is a minute if happiness you'll never get back

Everything that matters, breaks in two.

beautiful soul;

i don't know what am i afraid of;
even if i do;
i wouldn't admit that i am afraid of loosing you;

they told me i would never survive;
but survivals is my middle name.

real world;

Momma never taught me how to love;
Daddy never taught me how to feel,
Momma never taught me how to touch;
Daddy never showed me how to heal.

this is the real world;
live with it;

kiss yourself goodbye;

an apology is a good way to have the last word;

i am not sorry.

i'm Going Back To 505;

In five years, will this matter?


reading taxidiary
a PhD student from Stanford turned into a Taxi Driver;

the way he writes; it makes a person shivers;
some of his experiences might not make sense but then again;
none of mine make sense too.

you know what;
both of you piss me off a lot;
call me a hypocrite;
i know i am one and not afraid to admit;

Whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished
2 more hours why bother sleeping eh?

don't trust me ii;

I hate knowing peoples flaws;
their secrets;
their problems;

I am afraid I'll let it out;
or use it against them;

did those line made you regret for telling me anything?

or everything?

shhh;

i promise it will be our little secret.

flashbacks;

do you get them often?;
it played out like an old movie;

you want to know what is the worst part of my flash back?
its that I'm being lied to;
and knowing i am not worth the truth.


whatever;

Ku mahu kau tahu;
Engkaulah, destinasiku,
Dalam ingatanku.

untittled iii;

did the silent reverie;
helped in my English essay today?;

Love;
that's what we need to write;

957 words;
straight from the heart;

now;
i shall wait for the results;

I promise you;

the littlest things he does;
makes me cry;
i never felt so weak;


A:
that stupid boy
i hope one day he finally realize you're important to him
and realize its to late to get you
hah! take that you dumb ass!


i hope i can make the "its to late to get you" part reality;

you know what? i feel foolish now;
why do i even bother crying?
i have friends who loves me.
that's enough;

life is a stage;
act one is when we met and i fell in love;
after awhile;
act two is when i realize that you have changed;
now all i want to do is;
bring the curtains down;

2 sentence; just for you;

from now on;
i'll be cold as you;

wait a minute;
am i selfish to say that?
according to A and E;
i'm not.

Dreaming with a broken heart;

The feeling is not there anymore but;
I still Keep our picture in my purse;
hoping one day i could tell someone that;

there is-was an us.

i did not run away to see
if you would follow me or not

i ran away because
i want freedom;

I know a boy he put the colors inside of my world;
and You're my happy drug;
S once ask me;
was it you that i was talking about;

i denied it;
you want to know how long ago was it?
10 months.

let me go;

Can you love something so much;
that you don't see the danger that it brings?

I don't write here because i want to say something;
I write because i've got something to say;

i went on 7 days;
without thinking about you once;
is that good?

Why Does it rain?;

do you remember asking your mother about that?;
Those answers that we want to believe;

When the thunder roars;
The angel had a strike;
When it rains;
The angels are crying;

The Rain Bird Brought rain;

Hyades the messenger of spring rain;
Rain represent Hyades tears of grief for his brother Hyas;


and none of those "the gas become liquid condensation things"

do you remember;
those simple things we wanna believe?

you held my hand;
but you don't understand;
that's why i wonder;
why hold it in the first place?

say you,say me;

am not sure why;
but i want a chat box in this blog;
leave me a message would you?

i feel guilty;
but feeling like i did the right thing.

i feel regret;
but i know it had to be done.

trusting;
even when everything tells me not to.

May angels lead you in;
Hear you me, My friends.

love me tender;

I'd rather go on hearing your lies;
than to go on living without you.

Elvis Presley - Are You Lonesome Tonight

would you give up songs from

Britney Spears,Jesse McCartney,
Jonas Brothers, Lady Gaga,
All American Rejects

just for Elvis Presley?
the rock legend.

I just did;

you could be happy;

i'm not bitter;
just very much-
unsweetened

hip.o.crite
hip'e krit
noun.

i am one.

i once told my dad;
when i grow up. I want to be happy;
he told me i didn't understand him;
I told him he needs to understand life;
and then the rest was-
well. world war III

commitment;

Today i almost broke a promise;

I'm glad in that sentence there is an "almost".

but then again
every day we make choices;
foolish ones;
wrong ones;

but every night;
we must sleep with;
the consequences;
of those foolish and wrong choices.

thank you Sarah A;
for writing about this blog on hers;
I'm truly touched.

oh darling, who need love?;

this week is the most;
calming-soothing-carefree week;

not that i've given up;
because i believe in the saying
Never give up-
on something that you can never go a day without thinking about

Last year's wishes, are this year's apologies.

my heart is the worst;

So maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one

- i will never write things like this anymore
because its stupid;
._. really?

relationships.
one couple get lovey dovey for a time.
"i cant live without you"
"i love you"
blah.

the next thing you know.
he/she is gonna say the same thing to the next person;

you know what?
i CAN breath without you
i CAN live without yo

am never sitting in the dark;
staring at the screen;
crying for you;
ever;
:D

da-yum.
i just wanna post something thats why.

how it ends;

maybe i'm not longing to see you;
i folded 25 cranes tonight;
and with not a tear shed;

yeah really i didn't even shed a single tear last night;
it was a figure of speech ._.' honest;

let the truth be revealed
he was my good friend.
one day we decided to fold cranes.
after he came back from japan.
seeing the shrine of a thousand cranes.
he left with the box of cranes and bottles of stars;
he left without a goodbye;
he just moved away just like that.
i tried calling,emailing,finding him on facebook;
no avail.

i have not a single feeling for him;
but care to feel the pain of loosing a good friend?

maybe if i folded 1000 cranes.
i'll wish for something different;

would you fold me a thousand cranes?;

do you remember?;
3 years ago's tomorrow?
we spent 2 nights folding -
paper cranes and paper stars;

we made 100 paper cranes;
and 500 paper stars;
putting it one by one into the jar;
and the paper cranes into a box;

we tried making a thousand paper cranes
then we thought;
where are they going to go?
and they say a wish will come true on the 1000th crane;

last night;
i started folding paper cranes;
those cranes are wet with tears.

da-yum;
the above made me sound like
tomorrow is the anniversary of my break up or something.

catch me;

Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can fly.

Mistakes i've made a lot in life;
I've let people take advantage of me;
but now that i've look back;
i've learn a very valuable lesson;
learning from my bad choice;
learning that you could not trust everyone;


At one point in your life;
you either have the thing you want;
or
the reasons why you don't;

so? do i at least get an explanation?

am the best liar around;

Mutant cheese;

this blog is getting random-er and happier.
which is goooood :DDD


So let's mambo
Mambo gelato
Go go go nice and legato
Don't say no
Mambo gelato
Shake that booty baby you driven me crazy

while i was singing and dancing like a crazy fella to that song;

my mum walked in.
:O
my mouth was in :O

-.-


*walks away*

honey bee;

I love you;
not only for what you are;
but for what I am when I am with you;

wait i think i stole that from a movie;
or somewhere; at least well. its true.

this will forever be a silent reverie.

Reverie;
1 : daydream
2 : the condition of being lost in thought
Dreamy thinking or day dreaming of happy, pleasant things

with a heavy heart;

time to draw a smile on this face;
maybe my smiles are just plain plastic.

listening to zee avi soothes me.

So Darling, here's to you
i hope that when you find someone new
that she would always be true to you
to love and understand you
Darling, it would be unfair
to stay with something no longer there
but it doesn't mean i no longer care
but I'd feel like a burden you can't bear

Rain;

am now craving for a cup of hot green tea latte;
maybe someone to cuddle with;
in the cold; hard world.


i hate the fact that i'm staying at that closed door;
for so long and not even noticing that another door is open;
want to know a little secret?;
I give advice to people; they take it;
and i can tell you those advice are worth listening to;

when life gives you a hundred reason to cry;
give it a thousand reason to smile;

never regret;
because for that moment;
that's what you wanted;

your feelings might change;
but the memories they don't;

beginning are usually scary;
and the ending is always sad;
but everything in between;
is what makes it all worth it;

take risks;
because at times by not taking one;
that's the biggest risk

and the list grows long;

maybe;
i can tell people all those;
but not accepting the fact that i cant take the truth;


all i want right now;
is someone to tell me all those;
not a cup of hot green tea latte;
not someone to cuddle with;
but someone who gives me advice;

It`s funny how forever never really seems to last,

rain rain don't go away'
the sun can come back another day
rain please stay;

you wanna know the truth?
I want to go back to being a kid;

i want to walk into McDonalds and think its a five star restaurant;
i want to think chocolates are better than money;
i want to think that a member of the opposite sex was just some disturbance;
i want to think that good would always triumph over evil;

only human;

this question just popped into my head;
why do we need to like someone?
oh. feelings are evil;
;D so am I.

why should I feel bad?
I lost one who never loved me &
he lost the one who really loved and cared for him.

am to live with that line;
for a long long time.

believe;

you think i only rant about him in this blog ?;
nope. i rant about my parents too;

bloody hell.
ever since i moved here.
i've been bickering with my mother;
and it ficking hurts me to do so;
Each time the conversation ends with me running up my room in tears;
what the ficking point of this?;

i hate the fact that my father is the trigger of the bicker the fuss;

whatever. i'm changing topics;

i look out the window.
i see a tall boy with a brown polo shirt and white cargo pants
and with a little puppy on his hands;
who say my only weakness was a guy in tux and red tie?
i like boys with polo shirts and bermudas / cargos too;
mind you;
he's my neighbor.
all i can see buffet'

Tell me something i dont know;

3 words.
8 letters.
say it. and i'm yours;

S and E.
optimistic vs pessimistic

asked them both the same question;
came back.
two very different answers.

but the biggest question;
who do i listen to;
the optimist one?
or the pessimist one?

i somehow prefer E.
it brings me back to reality;
but sometimes. he just doesn't make sense

let me tell you a secret thou;
i want S's answer to come true;

until one of us give up.
that is when everything happens?

honestly only the middle part is needed.
the rest. is just unreal fantasies

nope; no updates for you

Happy Ending;

you wanna know the truth?
i'm drooling over someone;
who i know i couldn't have;
oh wait that made me sound like a pervert

no lah i dont;
i just wanna make this blog sound livelier;
i'm craving for something right now;
sleep;

but wait;
i'm not going to lie this time;
today;
i met a smile..
a smile so sweet like honey..
that smile came with not warning;
just like rain.

oh wait; that was a lie too;

some part of it WAS real;
:D was is a strong word kah ee;

i don't think i can differentiate reality and "fantasy"
yes fantasy :P
in my wildest dreams.
Stuff Happens;

You- you ask me what went wrong;
Me- I'll write you this last song;
Please- just tell me one way we can win;
One- more thing before I go
Two- the one who loves me so
Three- don't make me count to three again

sorry;

I'm sorry;
I'm sorry i liked you;
I'm sorry i played with your mind set;
I'm sorry i even told you;
I'm sorry i loved you;

An apology is a good way to have the last word;

Filled with sorrow;
filled with pain;
Knowing that i am to blame;
for leaving your heart out in the rain;

this is the one post
and the last post
i'll remain in the drafts;
until the time is right;

is this like the placebo effect?
know that i've typed this out;
it makes me feel better?;

The Day this was written was 14th September 2009;

the day i publish this is 27th of March 2010;

His Name Rhymes With..;

i have no idea what it rhymes with;

this is the real world;
and i just spend rm 1200
in one day;
im telling this here;
is because i don't want people to call me a rotten brat;
:P

alaa;
you know i still sayang you;
even you made me in full denial mode;
even if you made me cry;
yes i'm playing the guilt game;
;D did it work?'

i dont wanna miss a thing;

the past 9 months and 12 days;
i learn so much;
i can tell you that the lessons doesn't stop here;

I've learned -
That sometimes when my friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.

I've Learned -
That sometimes.
you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret
They say curiosity killed the cat.
I say Curiosity changes life

I've Learned -
That expressing your feelings.
can ease the stress

I've Learned -
Behind the word Love.
there are many different meanings.
but when you over use it;
it looses its value.

I've Learned -
Why people like reading or playing video games so much;
its because.
for a moment. they wanna live a different life;

I've Learned -
That loving something so much;
is always wrong.
at the end.
they will end up disappointing you.

The one person you know you're better off without but yet you can't find a way to let them go because deep down inside you wouldn't know what to do without them.

I'm twisting reality;

another heart calls;

i drafted more than 7 post;
and this is the 8th;
i wonder will it stay in the draft?
or on the blog?

i found out a genuine smile
only last for 5 seconds.
the next 15 second are artificial ones.
did you count to five?'

if you still can cry;
it means that you're still fine.
and everything is going to be alright.
but when you don't even feel like crying.
that's when i'm scared;
my feelings are numb.

It takes strength to love and it takes courage to be loved.

i guess this is posted.

smile;

its over;

eric. :)
I'm officially smiling again.
no masks.
no covers.

the kah ee that runs around wildly
is back :P
from the dead.

SMILE :)

The lucky one:

sheesh;
I'm glad I'm single;
I'm not mocking you A.
I'm happy for you that you found your prince charming;

i saw your face today;

knowing i was staring at you;
with eyes that are longing for something;

i try to cry myself to sleep;
because it was suppose to hurt;
but instead i woke up with a smile;

I'm over you;
the more i see your face.
the more I'm sick of it;

its raining.
do you feel it?;
the rain drops falling;
on your shoulders.

No Christmas for me;

for simple reason.
being you're not here;

i gotta move on;

but Im addicted to you;
eh no.
I'm perfectly fine without you;
see my happiness last night?

S had her fairytale ending; even if the prince is a mofo;
A's prince charming came back with the glass shoe;
where the fuck is mine?; i found out mine was a nerd in aluminum foil.
really.

Every Time You Lie;

c'mon Christopher.
answer your phone;
go online;
sms me;
anything;
i need to talk to you;
i miss you so much.

you still love her
i can see it in your eyes
the truth is all that i can feel
every time you lie
how longs it gonna take before
you see that shes no me
and i knew better
than to let you break my heart
the soul you'll never see again
won't be showing scars

kantoi;

raindrops keep falling on my head;
but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning' red
cryings not my thing;

i must say it isn't.
but i cracked yesterday.

i've been thinking
and saying this for the 300th time.
we're better off as friends.
:) why not?
this would be the last time.
and that is an oath i make.

take your sweet,sweet time.
i will be here.
when you change your mind.

i once said i wont.
but i will .

lovebug;

the sweetest silence in your eyes;
clever trick.

even the counselling teacher
says i'm discreet.
and told me to see her if possible.
am not sharing anything.
until that "day" happens.

what does that smile mean?
such heartache that smile cost me.

public display of affection;

wonder why i put this blog on my main blog?;
(re-read the sentence you'll understand)

because i give up.
the war is over;

you win;
congratulations.
you won loneliness

My baby he don’t act like himself no more
he lost that smile I used to adore

almost lover;

The silent September breeze blow through her messy brown hair;

The awkward silence between them;

He stared emotionlessly into those lifeless brown eyes that he’d grown so fond of over the years; those brown eyes over overflowing with tears of anguish, frustration, desperation and what they are afraid to admit –love.


those are the lines i typed out;
without thinking.

you sang me Spanish lullabies
the sweetest silence in your eyes;
clever trick;
i never wanna see you unhappy.
and i thought you want the same for me;

good bye my almost lover
so long my luckless romance

love is on its way;

a dreamer;

that's what i am.

I thought i let go for good;

why did i cry?'
why?'

i feel so stupid.

fuck him.
fuck her.
fuck them.

i'm not wasting my tears for you.



I'm Flying Solo

clair de lune;

Pandora opened a box;
which released all the evilness to mankind
but there is one more evil that is not released.
what is it?;
hope

having hope.
does it mean
its a bad thing?

untitled

what i want is different from what other people want.

What i want is right in front of me;
i'm just afraid to risk what i have with it;

not risking something is the biggest risk.

FML;

really.

fuck my life.

psychology;

the art of perception;

to study physchology
first i need to understand my own heart.

I'm still breathing;

Sometimes acting stupid,
and pretending not to know the truth
is the only solution that works..
but sometimes that hurts

these four walls;

im not going to let go just yet.

melancholy smile;

i always have one on my face;

hesitation.

si au moins je pouvais lire tes pensées.

right now. reading your mind would
be the only thing i wanna do.

if you're reading this
tell me , tell me the whole story tomorrow.
i'm still hoping that you'll read this.

what i learn during the leadership talk.
i learn that
a leader do not cry on in front of someone.
they cry on their own.

waiting for the heartbreak;

Every night i read this blog
i don't even recognize the person who wrote all those post below.
and soon to be above.

the only reason i did not make this blog private?
is i'm telling myself each day.
you are reading this blog.
you know how i feel about you.

before its too late;
tell me;
tell me the cold hard truth;

l.o.v.e is just a word i never learned to pronounce

the show;

back to my rambling;
hey its my diary;
it should be about me;

truth to be told
I'm still holding on to that hope.
that mere hint of light that i want to turn into a blazing fire.

my faith walks on broken glass.
i know nothing is ever built to last
but i really want this to last.

E, if you don't understand.
i'm still in love with him.
you say i can NEVER let go.
i say. i didn't even let go from the beginning.

Life is a maze.
and love is a riddle.
but i got to let it go.
and just enjoy the show.

tell me.
should i even let go?

for·ev·er. For everlasting time; eternally


thats what it meant
everlasting time.
eternally.'

i'm happy
no
that was a lie

Forever;

forever doesn't exist my dear love;

You told me you're letting go;
but the truth.
I know exactly how you felt last night.

each day i talk to you;
each day i realize you're more like me;
you cover your emotions with that smile;
Your sarcasm;
Your tone;
Your way of expressing;

there are so much more.

but let go my dear.
let go.

gossip girl;

I've got friends with the initial
D,S,E,J

so if you ever happen to read them on this blog
don't think
its Dan , Serena, Eric, Jenny from Gossip Girl.

sad. i dont know anyone with the initial C.

hmm. i wonder.

i lied about lying.
so which one do you wanna believe?

no more drama;

i hate this feeling.
this feeling of longing

i am seriously not sure what is wrong with me why do i feel like this
but i know for sure. its him that is causing me all this mental pain.
what ever he say. it kills me slowly. softly.
E. thank you for being my ranting spot.
S. You might not be a good comforter. but you're a good friend.
A. You're there for me (: thank you.
D. ahh. you're still. just wait my dear. just wait.

You call me a stranger
You say I'm a danger
But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight

i'm happy for you

i really am.
no, no fake happiness.

i support in everything you do.

e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g

sorry to say.
she's not worth your time.

chemistry and biology;

a relationship is chemistry;

i dont wanna think about it anymore

each day.
i talk to D. from 5-11 at night
but the "thing" isn't there.

each night.
i talk to AJ. for just 10 minutes.
i feel like crying why?

sorry seems to be the hardest word;

don't you think so?
a simple statement.
"sorry"
its just so hard to be done.

Ego you.
whatever.

i know you're not hurt by those words
"they are together"
instead you're hurt by the facts.

thinking of you ii;

when i'm with him
i'm thinking of you.
when hold him.
i thought of you.

oh how i wish you could read this blog.

if what S & A said was true.
am sorry i hurt you.
but what you did . was more hurtful than what i'm doing to you.


whatever i ate today.
taste so.
bland.

a friendly hug;

E say he finally cracked opened when i finally let go.
truth to be told.
i never let him go from the beginning.
but this 3 almost 4 weeks. i try to think about everything other than him.
until. today that is.

a hug.
a simple gesture.
that made my whole day.
but what hurts the most is.
best friends shall never.
be together.

i really do miss his company inside my head.
i do. i really do.

i pray so hard that you're not reading this blog.

7 days.

its been seven days since i've updated.

i am
chasing for future,
not looking back anymore.
sad, but true enough

i don't love you. like i did. yesterday.

i really want to like you back
i really did like you.
but you cause me the pain that i cant imagine.

4.24 a.m.;

im very much awake.
i don't want to sleep.

just yet.

im done crying over him.

i wont be sleeping anytime soon.

3:27 a.m;

i know he's still awake.

i know i'm still awake too.

i just couldnt bare to go to sleep.

deaths embrace;

yesterday.

i felt everything.
but this hatred in me.
it brings out the worst in me.

if only i could read your mind.
i would know what is going on in that head of yours.

i want this feeling to go away
i dont want to like anyone.
its too hard.
to troublesome.
such a death sentence.

every day.

i love you less and less.

tears roll down my face.
knowing that i lost in a foolish game of love.
im sorry to say.
i love you no more
i want you to be a good friend
and nothing more.


and to that whore.
have him. keep him. fuck him.
fuck you.

i want to be your best friend;

i saw your face when he was hurt;
all i can say is.
you;re genuinely worried about him.

aside from that.
i think we're seriously better off as best friends.

but you know what?;
i'll wait;

i miss you;

is this the power of force.
or the power of love?

hah. if only there is really a "love"

i really do.
i really do love you.
i had a dream.
a dream that i know will remain a dream till . the end of time.
it has got nothing to do with you.
but your relative actually.

remebering dreams;

its been 9 days since i've updated.
and my last post.
i wrote "this is the last time you'll be seeing me"
i lied.

i don't think this blog is an escape.
i think this is where i actually can speak.
but the past 9 days.
a lot actually happened.

+our hands intertwined for the longest time
+the sweetest smile you gave me melted me
+another one actually likes you. which i'm feeling fine over.
+last night. i dreamt about you once more
we were at starbucks. the place that we never miss to go each time we're together
it was still early. in the morning. you dozed off.
watching you sleep like an angel. i put my head on your shoulders.
when i was awake. you were holding my hand.
and smiling in your sleep.
but all i can say. a dream like this could never come true.

-this feeling is something i cant deny
i keep telling myself. we're better off as bestfriend
but i cant stay away.

and i found out she likes you.
is that the reason she's not talking to us?
yeah. she wont badmouth us as she stated.
well bullshit. buch of craps.

honestly i can't stop you from liking him
but let me tell you something .

what kah ee wants.
kah ee gets.
and if i cant have him.
no body can.

this has gotta be the longest post.

we're better off as best friends.

this will be my final post.
until it actually happens.
*cough*
you'll never see me again.

your eyes dont lie;

wow its been a few days since i've posted in here.
maybe this blog is like.
an escape from reality.

but now i know.
reality is much better.

engkaulah destinasiku.

thinking of you;

i was reading the messages
he and his ex sent to each other
i was actually in tears.
its so sweet.

i'm thinking of you
even though you're so far away

somewhere between laughing for no reason;
stupid arguments, and making fun of each other;
i fell in love with you.

don't trust me;

i mastered lying.
if i tell a lie loud enough , often enough people will believe it.

but let me tell you something.
Never regret anything because at one time it was what you wanted.

discovering infinity;

you brighten my whole day.
with just a miss call.

so would you miss me or not?

i can wait forever;

6 months.
its not a short time.

but i can wait forever.
for you.

fly with me;

if you do not feel the same way that i do;

I'm not saying anything.

reading my posts here.
it doesn't mean i'm emotional.

i'm just stating.
what ever that is in my head.

40 kinds of sadness;

it hurts.
it really do.
i'm being conquered by my fantasies and dream.

take me away
to a sweet escape

all about us;

i love you too much
so now.
I'm going to stop.
even liking you hurts so much.
today was memorable

Lets pretend you're mine, even just for one day?

dream a little dream of me;

i'm on a holiday somewhere; there were cherry blossom trees
all over the place.i was walking. at the end of the road
there is one special tree; i know i was waiting for someone
i just don't know who

actually i do.
it was you.
why are u playing with my feelings?

tied together with a smile;

with that smile
everyday i love you more
and more.

the way you smile
it just melts me into a puddle

When you look at me like that
My darling, what did you expect?

i'm afraid;

this smile i'm wearing.
its a disguise from reality.

i'm afraid.
that everything would come crashing down.
i'm afraid.
that they will find out that the smile fake.
i'm afraid.
to loose everything i ever had.
i'm afraid.

lacrimosa;

I'm lucky I'm in love
with my best friend

as cliche as it sounds
i'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

i'm yours;

i don't know are those hints.signs.
whatever you call it

but if it is.

i'm yours;

i see you, you see me differently

you tell me that you love me
but you never wanna see me again

how do you sleep;

everyone says you know.

but I'm in denial.

hoping they are just kidding.

i love you

you dimwit

i wouldn't be shocked
if tomorrow i wake up.
the feeling is gone.

My Name Is Trouble;

i had another nightmare

its cliche.
it sounds like a movie.
but its not.
i woke up.
silently crying.

i was in a tunnle.
running.
for the light.
i hear voices.
the light just keep getting further.
and further.

i Don't Have The Heart;

to tell you I love you.

all you talk about is
her.
and;

her.

what do you want me to say?
go for her?
i learn something.
never love anything too much.
it will eventually disappoint you

No use in small talk anyways;

Because if I look into your eyes
Then I'll have to say goodbye
And that will break my heart

he is playing with my feelings.
the only thing i can do is.
hoping the game.
can turn into reality.

So I wont even start
I wont even start

i smiled;

even if all my history questions went down the drain
i smiled.

i asked myself why him
every single day.
but today i found out.
it was his way of making me happy.

bitter heart;

there's 1 more hour in the day

but i know we wont be talking too.

i miss the way you make me laugh.

it was a nightmare;

my phone was out of battery
i hear laughter;
it haunts me.

it was dark everywhere

the last thing i remember was
waking up crying.
hoping to be in someones arms.
but all i have is the darkness.

i'm counting the days;

two days. how long more?

Did you say it?
I love you,
I don't ever wanna live without you
you changed my life.
did you say it?
make a plan
set a goal
and work toward it ..
cause this is it.
it might all be gone tomorrow

amnesia beam;

i always want to tell you.
but i would chicken out
at the end.

"speak your mind, even if your voice shakes"

You belong with me;

i know he's not the "nicest looking" guy around.
but what makes me like him is.
the way he makes me laugh.
the way he smiles. it just melts me.

what you're looking for.
is closer than you thought it would be.
syiok sendiri moments
please ignore if can :)

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you,
Been here all along,
So why can't you see ,
You belong with me

Thanks For the Memories;

I've learned - That although the word "love"
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.

victim of a foolish heart

Sometimes it's better to simply not care...

i ask myself everyday;

why did i fall for you?

meeting you was fate.
being friends with you was a choice.
but falling in love with you...
i had no control over.

sorry daddy,
i did not listen to you.

where did i go wrong?;

All my pain seems to be gone
when you're around.

but now.
that you're not around.
i feel like

a million piece.

i want to be lost in the
great big world.

this is where i speak;

The early bird gets the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I try to understand u

Why can't I commit the perfect crime?
you stole my heart.
but i cant steal yours