last christmas i gave you my heart , and the very next day you gave it away .

2010 is coming to an end and so must what i would like to call us , this could be the last post on my Silent Reverie , or not . You see i'm leaving to National Service in 6 days , leaving behind family , friends and even you . Fine - i can't say you're mine , i told people i got over you at February , but what can i say? i sticked to the feelings that come once in awhile . Like they say , you can't forget your first love .

Funny isn't it, how much we went through?

remember , June 21st 2010 - it was your birthday eve , i was as tired as hell - a monday night but i stayed up till 12 am , just to wish you - even though , i wasn't that girl who you want to hear Happy Birthday from , but i guess i just can't help but do it .

remember , a day in August , i went singapore - going missing in action , you called me , you left me messages on facebook . but i didn't reply . I was trying to see who cared and who didn't apparently you did .

remember , November 21st 2009 , yes a year and a month ago . in my room , we had fun - okay that sounds wrong but we had fun the clean way - .

remember , october 2010 , i bought you a wallet - because you kept complaining you needed a new one , December 12th , i was at your house - i saw the bag that kept what i bought you . I almost teared right there right then.

sometimes in life , we oughta move on - i already did my tenth letter - i already did , and its now Your turn , every time you say you miss her / gotten over her / never had the chance to actually express . ever wonder if i felt the same way? Sadly i did .

but today , i can strongly say i'm not going to anymore - you see my tenth letter , you were the best thing that happened to me during my high school years . maybe i will find someone better or maybe i wouldn't , but that depends right?

but one day , trust me one day - you'll tell your self "damn- she really did loved me"

but for now , may you be blinded by everything and anything around you;

the only reason i still want to keep this blog alive is just because , 

so this year , to save me from tears

i'll give my heart to someone special .

maybe in four years time i would be writing in here again .
Or it will be written for someone who loves me more.

but until then. xx

Kah Ee.

when destiny calls;

i went to sleep at four;

i wake up at six; both am.

when i was asked

"do you know you need to leave everything behind?"

"are you ready to leave everything behind?"

my answer was a straight yes .

but honestly, the only thing that crossed my mind was you

that is the only thing i cant leave behind.

i always loved you.

the tenth letter;

eighteen days,

i talked to you three times.

imagine a year ago,

we'll be talking for eighteen times x 3.

i miss you love;

forever and almost always;

Just love me when you can?

I'll wait patiently,

and i'll wake up every morning

hoping that you still care.

don't you find it funny?

On how limerence can come back to you at any time even after two years?

I promise myself after trials, i'll keep it all inside.-

this way it will be easier when we say good bye.

the more we spend time together, the more i am going to miss you.

Today when you hugged me, it felt so right- it felt to hard to let go.

I do love you still, but nothing more than a best friend.

J, you taught me how to love, even one sided-ly.

i thank you for taking my blindfold off -i ain't jaded no more;

it hurts to love you;

and i like how you put it in words.--

I receive So Much,

Yet I gave so Little;

You assume that i needed you;

But i needed no one but myself.

love is an excuse to get hurt and to hurt;

it all feels like a dream , that i don't want to wake up from;

11.43 PM. I just got off the phone with you;

as childish as this will sound - i talked to you since 11:09 pm

Thank You .

I spoil it all by saying something stupid like I Love You;

Gucci, Louis, iPhones, Macbook Pros
and everything you can think off;

I own it

but you want to tell me why am I not happy?

second chance;

hello blogger, i miss my silent reverie;

then again blogging here just simply means i miss you;

I had a dream last night . about us

maybe, just maybe this is the second chance that god gave us;

the question is ; to take it or not

because i believe that god wont be giving us a third chance.

on saturday night, you called me.

i miss you so much.

tell him;

i've been blogging on

the-silentreverie.tumblr.com

he doesn't know. I don't wanna make his life any more complicated, so i look from afar and i wonder what we could be.

blogspot will be

my silent reverie;

and tumblr

the silent reverie.

he said , she said;

Kah Ee vs Love

0 - 1

i am not going to walk this path again.

then again i want to.

letters from the sky;

the last day of June;

i've waited a whole long while for that second chance,

is this my calling?

we were just two kids

who took the moment

when it was there;

do you remember you at all;

another heart calls.

The ugly ducking;

It is your birthday today, happy birthday ;)

I Realize the whole existance of this blog is because of you;

you're the reason why I update this blog.

Today, I was expecting a spark that would rekindle something.

Apparently it didn't ;( .

It was great while it lasted .

stranger;

you were my first love, you were my true love.

J, i miss you so damn much.
like as if right on cue- the song stranger came up on my shuffle.

i will not walk that path again;
you were the reason i made this blog,
and you are the reason why i am blogging in it again.

six feet under the stars;

I still want a lover i do not need to love;

they say when one door closes another somewhere is open, and we often linger at the closed door so often that we do not realize there is an open one for us , but dare i say it, i didn't even look back after that i closed that door . I didn't even bother looking for that open one.

What that closed door did was painful, it hurt me in every single way imaginable. A week ago, A asked me a question 'who was your first love?' My answer to it was actually you. Its pretty much one sided love but its still love, can you find another girl that laughs at your lame jokes? The chances are not zero but its low.Do you remember how i laugh at your lame jokes while sitting at starbucks? Do you remember how i laugh at those lame jokes because its actually funny and not that i'm forced to? but do you know that i missed something important in those sentence. its do you remember how i used to.

Typing this doesn't hurt, but remembering the memories hurts more than its supposed to , My Silent Reverie was once 'Until. You're. Mine.' but of course we all know the chances are zero; Its already May, its been three months and honestly, i haven't been happy once.

I do not miss you,

Its those memories that i miss;

dream;

Karma.


I have always believed in it

But when I heard the news

I guess lady karma is always right?

So did he deserve what he got?

i saw Eternity the other night;

God really does work in a funny way.

believe

undisclosed desires;

Leadership is Action, not Position.

We will remember not the words of our enemies;
but the silence of our friends.

wait it out;

If I could I’d hit rewind and replay;
All the moments that I wished,
I would’ve called you mine.

i never regret a day with you. you were once the happy in my ness. but sometimes you just gotta walk away.

truly,madly,deeply

daughters;

It's all make believe, isn't it?

as a father, shouldn't you be supportive?

we only got 86 400 seconds in a day;

seven oh five;

i couldn't breathe; i couldn't talk; i couldn't run;

this feeling its so uncomfortable.

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of

they'll call me freedom;

some say i used the truth as a weapon;

you are a soul-crushing disappointment;

oh darling, please understand;

time to say good bye;

today i spilled my hearts content on my main blog;

150210;

because today just seems so blue;
this heart, is still going through heartache.

screw those family reunions;
its not called a reunion when one is missing;

please, please set me free.

too far gone;

its one of those days where i feel if i type this at my blog people would say i am showing off;

being the president of 3 societies and the commander is hard. really hard;
the stress, its really never ending. but at the end of the day. when you achieve something, you just feel so good. that all the hard work you put in is worth it.

last year i was the girl who showed up in zero school activities, 90% of my attendance is zero;
but this year. im staying back 4 times a week; end up being the president.
life is a funny thing eh? maybe it is time to turn over a new leaf.

since the boy is out of my head; its time for me to focus on studies. a bit more than usual.

walk it out;

To hide the key to your heart is to risk forgetting where you placed it;

you call me a stranger, you say I'm a danger;

the stress of being a senior is finally flowing in;
i sat on the floor and started crying.

i need my stress relievers.

If I seem distant , i am;

I'm cursing the day you walk into my life;
those time we spent together, i never really had much fun.

i don't even have the heart to blog here anymore;
it seems like we're both avoiding each other on purpose;

Looking, for that something to LIVE, to DIE, to CRY for.

i thought i've found that something; too bad, you're not even worth a single tear.

i broke my new years resolution; crying is something i wouldn't do.

i got everything i want;

that juicy couture perfume;
that thomas sabo bracelet;
that Swarovski necklace;

except you;
i would trade everything for you.
no; that's just stupid, boys are stupid.

everybody tells me that i'm the lucky one;

i always believed that it was faith that brought me to liking you;
but after a whole year, i believed its not faith. nor its the things we have in common;
if we actually count the things we have in common, i'll give it a zero;

You're the morning person, I'm the night person;
You're the studious person, I'm the slacker;
You're the talker, I'm the listener;
You tell the truth, I lie;

in fact, dare i say it? i have more things in common with your brother.
we both linger and long for things;
nights before he sleep he reads the letters;
nights before i fall asleep i read your texts;
we both wants a lover we do not need to love;
if i have to list down everything; i would feel as if i am betraying.

L is for life;

to sleep, perchance to dream;

this post is to be scheduled at 12 a.m. on the 1st of January 2010;

as i'm typing this its 28th of December;

2009 has been a very memorable year for me, many things changed; but hey, i'm not complaining; the more things change, the more they stay the same.

this year i actually met someone who i cared for. so much that i cried for him. and truth to be told, i never cry for anyone.

this feeling, this feeling is just pure unrequited. was i smart enough to not say what is on my mind? or was i stupid enough to not say what is on my mind;

well well, things around me are doing great, but who knows that might change in a few days; actually, i do not get what problems do people have. why can't they just keep feelings to themselves? i do that 100% of the time don't i?

i must say, some people are just pathetic, too desperate for attention; attention seekers;

right now, i know i am loosing you quick, and i am not going to find another you. its impossible. its you who let me go; i held on for so long. its always you.

i never wanted this post to be emotional. i always wanted things to stay the same, because i think life is passing on too fast. in a blink of an eye, the whole year is gone just like so.