gossip girl;

I've got friends with the initial
D,S,E,J

so if you ever happen to read them on this blog
don't think
its Dan , Serena, Eric, Jenny from Gossip Girl.

sad. i dont know anyone with the initial C.

hmm. i wonder.

i lied about lying.
so which one do you wanna believe?

no more drama;

i hate this feeling.
this feeling of longing

i am seriously not sure what is wrong with me why do i feel like this
but i know for sure. its him that is causing me all this mental pain.
what ever he say. it kills me slowly. softly.
E. thank you for being my ranting spot.
S. You might not be a good comforter. but you're a good friend.
A. You're there for me (: thank you.
D. ahh. you're still. just wait my dear. just wait.

You call me a stranger
You say I'm a danger
But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight

i'm happy for you

i really am.
no, no fake happiness.

i support in everything you do.

e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g

sorry to say.
she's not worth your time.

chemistry and biology;

a relationship is chemistry;

i dont wanna think about it anymore

each day.
i talk to D. from 5-11 at night
but the "thing" isn't there.

each night.
i talk to AJ. for just 10 minutes.
i feel like crying why?

sorry seems to be the hardest word;

don't you think so?
a simple statement.
"sorry"
its just so hard to be done.

Ego you.
whatever.

i know you're not hurt by those words
"they are together"
instead you're hurt by the facts.

thinking of you ii;

when i'm with him
i'm thinking of you.
when hold him.
i thought of you.

oh how i wish you could read this blog.

if what S & A said was true.
am sorry i hurt you.
but what you did . was more hurtful than what i'm doing to you.


whatever i ate today.
taste so.
bland.

a friendly hug;

E say he finally cracked opened when i finally let go.
truth to be told.
i never let him go from the beginning.
but this 3 almost 4 weeks. i try to think about everything other than him.
until. today that is.

a hug.
a simple gesture.
that made my whole day.
but what hurts the most is.
best friends shall never.
be together.

i really do miss his company inside my head.
i do. i really do.

i pray so hard that you're not reading this blog.

7 days.

its been seven days since i've updated.

i am
chasing for future,
not looking back anymore.
sad, but true enough

i don't love you. like i did. yesterday.

i really want to like you back
i really did like you.
but you cause me the pain that i cant imagine.

4.24 a.m.;

im very much awake.
i don't want to sleep.

just yet.

im done crying over him.

i wont be sleeping anytime soon.

3:27 a.m;

i know he's still awake.

i know i'm still awake too.

i just couldnt bare to go to sleep.

deaths embrace;

yesterday.

i felt everything.
but this hatred in me.
it brings out the worst in me.

if only i could read your mind.
i would know what is going on in that head of yours.

i want this feeling to go away
i dont want to like anyone.
its too hard.
to troublesome.
such a death sentence.

every day.

i love you less and less.

tears roll down my face.
knowing that i lost in a foolish game of love.
im sorry to say.
i love you no more
i want you to be a good friend
and nothing more.


and to that whore.
have him. keep him. fuck him.
fuck you.

i want to be your best friend;

i saw your face when he was hurt;
all i can say is.
you;re genuinely worried about him.

aside from that.
i think we're seriously better off as best friends.

but you know what?;
i'll wait;