you could be happy;

i'm not bitter;
just very much-
unsweetened

hip.o.crite
hip'e krit
noun.

i am one.

i once told my dad;
when i grow up. I want to be happy;
he told me i didn't understand him;
I told him he needs to understand life;
and then the rest was-
well. world war III

commitment;

Today i almost broke a promise;

I'm glad in that sentence there is an "almost".

but then again
every day we make choices;
foolish ones;
wrong ones;

but every night;
we must sleep with;
the consequences;
of those foolish and wrong choices.

thank you Sarah A;
for writing about this blog on hers;
I'm truly touched.

oh darling, who need love?;

this week is the most;
calming-soothing-carefree week;

not that i've given up;
because i believe in the saying
Never give up-
on something that you can never go a day without thinking about

Last year's wishes, are this year's apologies.

my heart is the worst;

So maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one

- i will never write things like this anymore
because its stupid;
._. really?

relationships.
one couple get lovey dovey for a time.
"i cant live without you"
"i love you"
blah.

the next thing you know.
he/she is gonna say the same thing to the next person;

you know what?
i CAN breath without you
i CAN live without yo

am never sitting in the dark;
staring at the screen;
crying for you;
ever;
:D

da-yum.
i just wanna post something thats why.

how it ends;

maybe i'm not longing to see you;
i folded 25 cranes tonight;
and with not a tear shed;

yeah really i didn't even shed a single tear last night;
it was a figure of speech ._.' honest;

let the truth be revealed
he was my good friend.
one day we decided to fold cranes.
after he came back from japan.
seeing the shrine of a thousand cranes.
he left with the box of cranes and bottles of stars;
he left without a goodbye;
he just moved away just like that.
i tried calling,emailing,finding him on facebook;
no avail.

i have not a single feeling for him;
but care to feel the pain of loosing a good friend?

maybe if i folded 1000 cranes.
i'll wish for something different;

would you fold me a thousand cranes?;

do you remember?;
3 years ago's tomorrow?
we spent 2 nights folding -
paper cranes and paper stars;

we made 100 paper cranes;
and 500 paper stars;
putting it one by one into the jar;
and the paper cranes into a box;

we tried making a thousand paper cranes
then we thought;
where are they going to go?
and they say a wish will come true on the 1000th crane;

last night;
i started folding paper cranes;
those cranes are wet with tears.

da-yum;
the above made me sound like
tomorrow is the anniversary of my break up or something.

catch me;

Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can fly.

Mistakes i've made a lot in life;
I've let people take advantage of me;
but now that i've look back;
i've learn a very valuable lesson;
learning from my bad choice;
learning that you could not trust everyone;


At one point in your life;
you either have the thing you want;
or
the reasons why you don't;

so? do i at least get an explanation?

am the best liar around;

Mutant cheese;

this blog is getting random-er and happier.
which is goooood :DDD


So let's mambo
Mambo gelato
Go go go nice and legato
Don't say no
Mambo gelato
Shake that booty baby you driven me crazy

while i was singing and dancing like a crazy fella to that song;

my mum walked in.
:O
my mouth was in :O

-.-


*walks away*

honey bee;

I love you;
not only for what you are;
but for what I am when I am with you;

wait i think i stole that from a movie;
or somewhere; at least well. its true.

this will forever be a silent reverie.

Reverie;
1 : daydream
2 : the condition of being lost in thought
Dreamy thinking or day dreaming of happy, pleasant things

with a heavy heart;

time to draw a smile on this face;
maybe my smiles are just plain plastic.

listening to zee avi soothes me.

So Darling, here's to you
i hope that when you find someone new
that she would always be true to you
to love and understand you
Darling, it would be unfair
to stay with something no longer there
but it doesn't mean i no longer care
but I'd feel like a burden you can't bear

Rain;

am now craving for a cup of hot green tea latte;
maybe someone to cuddle with;
in the cold; hard world.


i hate the fact that i'm staying at that closed door;
for so long and not even noticing that another door is open;
want to know a little secret?;
I give advice to people; they take it;
and i can tell you those advice are worth listening to;

when life gives you a hundred reason to cry;
give it a thousand reason to smile;

never regret;
because for that moment;
that's what you wanted;

your feelings might change;
but the memories they don't;

beginning are usually scary;
and the ending is always sad;
but everything in between;
is what makes it all worth it;

take risks;
because at times by not taking one;
that's the biggest risk

and the list grows long;

maybe;
i can tell people all those;
but not accepting the fact that i cant take the truth;


all i want right now;
is someone to tell me all those;
not a cup of hot green tea latte;
not someone to cuddle with;
but someone who gives me advice;

It`s funny how forever never really seems to last,

rain rain don't go away'
the sun can come back another day
rain please stay;

you wanna know the truth?
I want to go back to being a kid;

i want to walk into McDonalds and think its a five star restaurant;
i want to think chocolates are better than money;
i want to think that a member of the opposite sex was just some disturbance;
i want to think that good would always triumph over evil;

only human;

this question just popped into my head;
why do we need to like someone?
oh. feelings are evil;
;D so am I.

why should I feel bad?
I lost one who never loved me &
he lost the one who really loved and cared for him.

am to live with that line;
for a long long time.

believe;

you think i only rant about him in this blog ?;
nope. i rant about my parents too;

bloody hell.
ever since i moved here.
i've been bickering with my mother;
and it ficking hurts me to do so;
Each time the conversation ends with me running up my room in tears;
what the ficking point of this?;

i hate the fact that my father is the trigger of the bicker the fuss;

whatever. i'm changing topics;

i look out the window.
i see a tall boy with a brown polo shirt and white cargo pants
and with a little puppy on his hands;
who say my only weakness was a guy in tux and red tie?
i like boys with polo shirts and bermudas / cargos too;
mind you;
he's my neighbor.
all i can see buffet'

Tell me something i dont know;

3 words.
8 letters.
say it. and i'm yours;

S and E.
optimistic vs pessimistic

asked them both the same question;
came back.
two very different answers.

but the biggest question;
who do i listen to;
the optimist one?
or the pessimist one?

i somehow prefer E.
it brings me back to reality;
but sometimes. he just doesn't make sense

let me tell you a secret thou;
i want S's answer to come true;

until one of us give up.
that is when everything happens?

honestly only the middle part is needed.
the rest. is just unreal fantasies

nope; no updates for you

Happy Ending;

you wanna know the truth?
i'm drooling over someone;
who i know i couldn't have;
oh wait that made me sound like a pervert

no lah i dont;
i just wanna make this blog sound livelier;
i'm craving for something right now;
sleep;

but wait;
i'm not going to lie this time;
today;
i met a smile..
a smile so sweet like honey..
that smile came with not warning;
just like rain.

oh wait; that was a lie too;

some part of it WAS real;
:D was is a strong word kah ee;

i don't think i can differentiate reality and "fantasy"
yes fantasy :P
in my wildest dreams.
Stuff Happens;

You- you ask me what went wrong;
Me- I'll write you this last song;
Please- just tell me one way we can win;
One- more thing before I go
Two- the one who loves me so
Three- don't make me count to three again

sorry;

I'm sorry;
I'm sorry i liked you;
I'm sorry i played with your mind set;
I'm sorry i even told you;
I'm sorry i loved you;

An apology is a good way to have the last word;

Filled with sorrow;
filled with pain;
Knowing that i am to blame;
for leaving your heart out in the rain;

this is the one post
and the last post
i'll remain in the drafts;
until the time is right;

is this like the placebo effect?
know that i've typed this out;
it makes me feel better?;

The Day this was written was 14th September 2009;

the day i publish this is 27th of March 2010;

His Name Rhymes With..;

i have no idea what it rhymes with;

this is the real world;
and i just spend rm 1200
in one day;
im telling this here;
is because i don't want people to call me a rotten brat;
:P

alaa;
you know i still sayang you;
even you made me in full denial mode;
even if you made me cry;
yes i'm playing the guilt game;
;D did it work?'

i dont wanna miss a thing;

the past 9 months and 12 days;
i learn so much;
i can tell you that the lessons doesn't stop here;

I've learned -
That sometimes when my friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.

I've Learned -
That sometimes.
you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret
They say curiosity killed the cat.
I say Curiosity changes life

I've Learned -
That expressing your feelings.
can ease the stress

I've Learned -
Behind the word Love.
there are many different meanings.
but when you over use it;
it looses its value.

I've Learned -
Why people like reading or playing video games so much;
its because.
for a moment. they wanna live a different life;

I've Learned -
That loving something so much;
is always wrong.
at the end.
they will end up disappointing you.

The one person you know you're better off without but yet you can't find a way to let them go because deep down inside you wouldn't know what to do without them.

I'm twisting reality;

another heart calls;

i drafted more than 7 post;
and this is the 8th;
i wonder will it stay in the draft?
or on the blog?

i found out a genuine smile
only last for 5 seconds.
the next 15 second are artificial ones.
did you count to five?'

if you still can cry;
it means that you're still fine.
and everything is going to be alright.
but when you don't even feel like crying.
that's when i'm scared;
my feelings are numb.

It takes strength to love and it takes courage to be loved.

i guess this is posted.

smile;

its over;

eric. :)
I'm officially smiling again.
no masks.
no covers.

the kah ee that runs around wildly
is back :P
from the dead.

SMILE :)

The lucky one:

sheesh;
I'm glad I'm single;
I'm not mocking you A.
I'm happy for you that you found your prince charming;

i saw your face today;

knowing i was staring at you;
with eyes that are longing for something;

i try to cry myself to sleep;
because it was suppose to hurt;
but instead i woke up with a smile;

I'm over you;
the more i see your face.
the more I'm sick of it;

its raining.
do you feel it?;
the rain drops falling;
on your shoulders.

No Christmas for me;

for simple reason.
being you're not here;

i gotta move on;

but Im addicted to you;
eh no.
I'm perfectly fine without you;
see my happiness last night?

S had her fairytale ending; even if the prince is a mofo;
A's prince charming came back with the glass shoe;
where the fuck is mine?; i found out mine was a nerd in aluminum foil.
really.

Every Time You Lie;

c'mon Christopher.
answer your phone;
go online;
sms me;
anything;
i need to talk to you;
i miss you so much.

you still love her
i can see it in your eyes
the truth is all that i can feel
every time you lie
how longs it gonna take before
you see that shes no me
and i knew better
than to let you break my heart
the soul you'll never see again
won't be showing scars

kantoi;

raindrops keep falling on my head;
but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning' red
cryings not my thing;

i must say it isn't.
but i cracked yesterday.

i've been thinking
and saying this for the 300th time.
we're better off as friends.
:) why not?
this would be the last time.
and that is an oath i make.

take your sweet,sweet time.
i will be here.
when you change your mind.

i once said i wont.
but i will .

lovebug;

the sweetest silence in your eyes;
clever trick.

even the counselling teacher
says i'm discreet.
and told me to see her if possible.
am not sharing anything.
until that "day" happens.

what does that smile mean?
such heartache that smile cost me.